Not every experiment we try is supposed to pan out perfectly. Isn’t that the point of experiments? To see what works great and what sucks? Last night was a good reminder of that for me.
Across the last several years, Kellie and I have attended a lot fewer concerts, for a variety of reasons. When you’re only seeing a few shows across a year or two, the bar is set very high as far as what you’ll buy tickets to. You probably end up just going to see your very favorite bands, because anything less feels like too much work and expense and energy.
My life now—this new one—doesn’t have similar constraints, though. I sometimes see a concert or two in a week, and so my internal filter of what’s worth it and what isn’t is set much wider than it was just seven months ago. I’m wide open to experiments now, like going to Cleveland to see a musician I’ve never heard of on a random Wednesday night.
Last night, I headed to the Music Box for a Joshua Radin concert. Raye Zaragoza was opening for him. I’d never heard a single song by either of them, but I love the venue and didn’t have anything else going on mid-week, so I figured I’d give it a shot. And Raye Zaragoza was spectacular!
I really, really appreciated her vibe and her guitar playing and her voice and the storytelling she did between songs in her set. It was one of those happy surprises we sometimes end up getting out of nowhere. I’ve now got a new musician that adds something to my life, and that makes me happy. Something you might know about me (or maybe not) is that I’m never content with listening to the same few artists and albums from my past. I’m pretty continually on the hunt for new people to listen to and new genres that might keep me interested. That’s important to me! So finding Raye Zaragoza was wonderful.
Joshua Radin, on the other hand, pretty much sucked. I feel bad about saying that, because he seemed like a nice guy. He’s apparently from Cleveland, so it was a hometown turnout for him. The crowd was really into his stuff. I, unfortunately, was not. He was very very earnest, and has been a singer-songwriter for quite a while, according to things I’ve read about him online since the show. But his earnestness made him unpalatable to me, which isn’t a reaction I have very often. If I’m trying to figure out whether I like your music, it makes it hard for me to do so when you’re whispering every few lines in every song. I just couldn’t make out a fair amount of his lyrics due to that stylistic choice on his part. Other than that, most of his songs sounded pretty same-y to me, so I found myself getting pretty bored.
After an hour of his set, I realized that there was nobody and nothing forcing me to stay, and also that I had been feeling completely checked out for at least a half hour of that time. So I stood up and left, which was very empowering.
As I said a minute ago, experiments are a good thing. I could have been bitter and grumpy and waited it out until the very end, but that would only have made me mad. I could have attempted to convince myself that Joshua Radin is my cup of tea, but he just isn’t (so I don’t even know how easy that convincing might have been). I could also have resolved to never again go to a show with an artist I don’t know well, and I’m not doing that. We need to try things in order to see if they work for us, and I’m in a season of trying. I painted this yesterday to remind myself of that fact.
This weekend, I’m planning to drive west for a few hours. I’ll end up in Goshen, Indiana. I’m not sure what I’ll do in Goshen, or along the way to Indiana in general. I did originally have a plan—I’ve had tickets to a Whitehorse concert in Goshen for quite a while (since September), which is why I’m going on this trip in the first place. This morning, I got an email letting me know that the show has been cancelled and my ticket has been refunded.
That was initially a huge bummer. I was really looking forward to seeing Luke Doucet and Melissa Mclelland play together again, since I haven’t been to one of their shows in-person for at least five or six years.
I thought about not going anywhere, but that was an even more depressing thought than the show getting cancelled in the first place. I thought about driving to Chicago instead of Goshen, but that just felt exhausting. And my hotel room in Goshen is nonrefundable, so if I can go on a random trip just for fun and wander around the area without a plan, that’s probably going to be a lot more enjoyable than losing the money I’ve spent on the hotel room already and getting nothing to show for it. Plus, I’ve got a great plan for how to spend my Sunday that I’ll explain another day. But my Saturday is now wide open besides driving west and ending up in Goshen, Indiana for the night.
I’m positive that I’ll enjoy aspects of it, and that I’ll figure out ways to keep myself busy and small adventures to have, since that’s why I go on trips in the first place. But I have to experiment in order to give me things to look forward to in this new life. Remember, like I said on Monday, I’m not trying to escape anything here at home. I love my life and my dogs and my house and my friends. But I need to see different stuff and eat different food and experience things I wouldn’t experience here, too. Hence the trips and the experiments in general.
Seven months ago, I would have laughed if you’d told me that I’d be driving to Indiana a week before Kellie’s birthday with no idea of why (other than a paid-for hotel room). But seven months ago I was a different person. Now, to this other guy, it just feels like a challenge to find cool stuff without planning for it in advance.
I’ll let you know what happens, but I’m looking forward to not having anything concrete to look forward to. Stay tuned to see how that goes.
XOXO,
Matt