Happy Monday, folks.
Yes, I did indeed go on another adventure last weekend, which was again full of all kinds of firsts (for me). I’m not pretending that the things I’m doing and experiencing are revolutionary or have never been done before—it’s just that they’ve never been done before by ME. Remember, as I keep saying in this space, I’m not the boss of you and your grief. Only me and mine. Your mileage may vary widely! But I can discuss my own experiences and what they look and feel like. And that continues to be a useful exercise for me, so I’m going to keep going.
On Friday, I went to Buffalo for the Borderland Festival, which has been going on since 2018. It’s so wild to me that an event as new as eight years could attract these world-class musicians, not to mention around 20,000 attendees, but that’s what they did. I won’t bury the lede here: I had a really special time, learned a lot about myself and also took the time to grieve as I needed to. It was an excellent trip and I’m very happy I bought the ticket (less than a month after Kellie died, actually). And yes, VIP tickets are way better than the non-VIP experience.
I don’t know if you’re a fan of music festivals, but as I’ve shared in the past, they’re typically a fun time for me. At the same time, I’ve never dared to go to one solo, which is what I did this weekend. Maybe you have a pretty good idea in your head about what it’s like to go to a restaurant on your own, or a concert on your own, or a movie on your own. And maybe it’s not a big deal to you to do any of those things. But for me, they are all massive.
Add to the mix the fact(s) that I’m currently only a bit over five months out from a huge loss, and so I’m dealing with weird sleep things and grief surprises and a lot less energy than usual and also am much more scattered with my thoughts than I’m accustomed to. When you consider those things, maybe it feels a little more momentous to you as well? Not that it matters what you think, but I’m allowed to be proud of myself for managing as well as I have in these novel situations.
When you’re at a concert, you need to find your seat (which, unless it’s a GA show, you already have reserved for you). That’s pretty much the extent of the logistical challenges. But a music festival presents a ton of variables that are a lot more difficult to navigate:
Where are the bands you want to see playing, and at what times?
How are you going to find a good vantage point to see each of those shows, especially if you’re traveling from stage to stage all day?
How do you manage to eat, and drink, and use the bathroom many times in the midst of a packed schedule (which might be twelve hours long)?
What do you do with all your stuff while you’re traipsing all over the place (not to mention while you’re in a port-a-potty)?
Got all those variables straight in your head? Awesome! Now do one thing for me: Imagine you have nobody with you to divide and conquer, because it’s just you. And once you’ve imagined that, do it all day Friday and then all day Saturday and then all day Sunday.
That was my weekend! And because I’m me, I also needed to go eat some local delicacies and seek out other sights while I was in Buffalo, in addition to getting two papers and a bunch of reading and other assignments done for the two doctoral classes I’m currently taking.
You might think it all sounds pretty impossible, and you would be wrong. I don’t feel exhausted at all, truthfully. I feel energized and happy and relaxed today, for what it’s worth. Isn’t that a strange thing?
I got to see some truly incredible performances by some absolutely amazing musicians. I got to eat some great food (including Buffalo-style pizza and some wonderful late-night chicken wings). I visited my friend Corey again, and also went to Niagara Falls. I spent a lot of time outside, absorbing sunlight and good vibes and also a bit of rainwater. I got hit once by a cornhole bag, but that was an accident. I had some strawberry ice cream at the Falls, a vanilla ice cream cone at the festival that cost $12, and a delicious cold brew vanilla ice cream float that really hit the spot.
The ten best musicians/bands I got to see (out of the 20-30 or so performances I caught) were, in order:
Mon Rovia: Here was the big surprise for me, and also my favorite concert of the weekend (and probably the past several years). I have now been listening to Mon Rovia for around three weeks, which is not a long time. I’d strongly encourage you to get to know this guy and his music. Because, wow. He was born in Africa and adopted while very young by an American family. His music speaks to loss and rootlessness and memory and trauma, and also love and hope, and he’s unbelievable. I cannot tell you how much this show meant to me, and I didn’t count how many times his music made me well up with tears. Unbelievable. Please try listening to his Tiny Desk Concert. That’s here:
Shovels & Rope: I’ve loved Carrie Ann Hearst’s music for almost twenty years at this point, and getting to see she and her husband play live was a huge treat for me. So, so good. I know this says something about my inability to live in the moment and be mindful, but I literally went online and bought tickets to another upcoming Shovels & Rope concert while watching this Shovels & Rope show, so that should tell you how I felt about it. Here’s a great Shovels & Rope show:
Jack White: Legendary guitarist, cannot say enough about his skills and showmanship, and he’s the reason I went to the festival in the first place. Truly wonderful set. Since I’m sharing music, here’s a recording of Seven Nation Army from Saturday night:
The Head & The Heart: I’ve loved them for a really long time, and their set was amazing. I’m so glad I got to see them live after being a fan for fifteen years. At the same time, some of my love for their music rests on my love of all their male/female harmonies, and since there was an issue with one of their flights, both female members of the band couldn’t perform with the band. Otherwise they’d definitely be higher on this list. Here’s a fave:
Alabama Shakes: They’re just wonderful, and Brittany Howard is a national treasure. Very, very good show.
Pixies: They’re a pretty legendary band. I’m glad I got to see them, but I only know two or three of their songs, which maybe says more about me than them.
Steph Strings: Wonderful Australian singer-songwriter who was a fantastic guitar player. I really enjoyed her set.
Jesse Welles: He was good, don’t get me wrong! I like his lyrics better than his delivery, unfortunately, which often ends up making his songs feel a bit samey to me. I would enjoy reading them more as poems than hearing him play them. He did some incredible covers, in fairness: War Pigs, Come As You Are, and Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.
Uncle Ben’s Remedy: Very fun local western NY band. They had a good time.
Voyagr: Ditto. Everyone enjoyed themselves (including me).
Anyway, enough about me and my love of music. As I told a friend this weekend, live shows are an awful lot like church for me. Especially right now. Thanks for going on this journey with me. More photos below, just because I feel like it. My heart is full.
Love ya.
Matt
