Today is about just holding on until it’s over with, and that’s absolutely okay. I don’t usually like the mindset of zoning out and keeping my head down and working for the weekend, since that’s kind of the opposite of being mindful and feeling my feelings as I’m in this season of grief and loss. That said, I’ve had a couple difficult days back to back this week, and so my capacity feels more precarious than usual, so today I’m going to just focus on making it to the weekend.
I know I talked about how wonderful the asters in Kellie’s garden are, in part because of how much I love watching those bumblebees frolicking in their midst. Well, there are also asters in my backyard, and it appears that there are a variety of honeybees and hornets inhabiting those. So my current perspective is that front yard asters are amazing and backyard asters are bad news. Coco has spent a couple of days trying to eat bees, and she needs to quit it before she learns a scary lesson. Here’s a pic of the gorgeous front yard asters. I continue to spend a bunch of very meaningful time in Kellie’s garden several times a day, now that Ashley has tamed it into shape again.
Speaking of Coco, she woke me up at 4:50am today. She wanted belly rubs and head scratches and a snuggle. After she got those, she was fine with letting me go back to sleep until 6:50, which is a win in my book.
I bought groceries this morning for the second time in two weeks—it feels very strange. I’ll let you know whether cooking feels like too much for me this week or not. Such a weird place to be with cooking, since I used to love it so much. Even though I love food, I don’t have the strength to do it the way I did before Kellie died.
I’ll be getting up early tomorrow morning in order to drive to Buffalo (yes, again). No, I’m not moving to Buffalo. It’s just that so many cool things have been happening there lately! I’m attending Camp Widow tomorrow (here’s info about the program). It’s a conference dedicated to widowhood—providing resources, making connections, and honoring our lost loved ones. I’m really looking forward to it, and also pretty nervous about the whole thing. I’ve never been in a space full of so many widow/ers, and I’m looking forward to having had so many common shared experiences with a bunch of people. I don’t know how it’s going to go, but I’ll let you know when I get back!
Next week’s schedule is much, much less intense, and I’m looking forward to that as well.
I hope you have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend—take care of yourself!
XOXO,
Matt