The Future, It Is Coming Fast

Today was a day to rest. I’m taking every opportunity to try and do so before this next academic year begins next Monday, because once that happens, there’ll be plenty on my plate to keep me busy.

Even though I have a 12-month faculty appointment (and thus am not off during the summers), there are so few folks who work year-round with me that things are much more relaxed over the summer.

This was supposed to be a uniquely special summer for Kellie and I. We were looking forward to the first summer where she was doing full-time private practice and thus didn’t need to ask anyone for permission to take a day off. We were talking about taking the dogs and traveling, and it was going to be truly legendary.

Instead, she’s gone, I’m alone, and my entire life has changed.

You just don’t know what’s going to happen—you really don’t. If you’re delaying a big adventure because of some small reason you could easily solve, please do it. Go. There’s no way to know what life is going to look like next summer, or the summer after that.

I’m not saying to assume the worst will happen. Something great could happen, too. But please don’t put the special thing off until you get around to retiring, or until your partner gets a raise or promotion. You’ll regret it if something unexpected happens which dramatically reshapes your priorities or your life in general.

I wish that Kellie and I had taken the dogs and gone on one last vacation last November, for her birthday. Or maybe even for Thanksgiving! I cannot tell you how much I wish that we hadn’t waited. Late December was when she got that infection that made her life considerably more difficult, and perhaps killed her. Who knows? I’ll never have any degree of comfort with any explanation for why she died, medically-speaking. The choices that the medical examiner made will always be a mystery to me, almost as big a mystery as the cause of her death. But I’ll never know.

Today, I headed to Mentor for the best tacos I have ever eaten in my entire life. If you’ve never heard of Senor Masa, then you’re missing out. I’m serious. I tried three tacos, and every one of them was brilliantly-seasoned and so delicious and perfect in every way. The first was made with roasted cauliflower, cojita cheese, and chili crisp (it would normally include pickled red onion, but that’s not my thing). The second included birria beef, cheese, roja, and a consome to dip it in. The third was a smash burger taco with burger sauce and housemade pickles. They were wonderful! I am not kidding when I say I went back inside after I finished (I ate on a lovely hidden patio) to tell them how much I really enjoyed the meal.

Then I spent some time at an awesome place in Wickliffe called CouchLand Coffee House. My dear friend Margot had an errand to run in Cleveland, so she had asked whether we could coordinate schedules so that she could give me a hug. Which we did, and which I appreciated a great deal. CouchLand is a super cozy place with delicious food and coffee and smoothies. Seeing Margot again was really great, and I’m so grateful that she made time for us to hang out. She and Kellie and I have been friends for a few years, but the events of these past four months have made me so much closer to lots of people than I was before she died. That’s the case with Margot and several others—I treasure these relationships and badly need these connections. If you’re one of those folks, you know how much I appreciate you.

Thank you. Some days (lots of days), you’re the thing that keeps me going.

I came home and took a nap with the dogs, and then ate a delicious supper. This evening, I had a meeting with my doctoral cohort to discuss the beginning of the process for considering my dissertation (even though I’m a ways off from actually starting to write it in earnest).

Kellie was so proud of me for getting into this program and going for it—I’ve wanted to pursue a doctorate for a really long time. I’ve now finished my first semester of classes toward the degree, so just have approximately six more semesters to go (if all goes well).

If you were looking for something deep and philosophical here today, I’m sorry for disappointing you. Today was about recharging, and it certainly did that.

Now it’s time for a whirlwind few days before the 2026-2027 academic year begins. Even though I’m doing it on my own now, without my best friend and biggest cheerleader, without my constant source of support and love, I’ve spent the last four months putting together the start of a support dream team. I’m as ready for this next set of challenges as I’m going to get.

Send me some positive vibes, please. I could use them.

XOXO,

Matt